What Happens When...

I decide not to spend so much money on things I want or think I need? Right, I have nothing to write about. I was trying not to spend so m...

I decide not to spend so much money on things I want or think I need?

Right, I have nothing to write about. I was trying not to spend so much money and save some instead. Somehow, as soon as I have a lot of it, I want to save it all and get really really considered about if I actually need this or not and then the answer is always no Cynthia you don't (my Mum has taught me well some people would say) But on the other hand, this is a little bit not so good if it's your hobby to write about those things and in the end you just lose because you lose the hobby and don't even have some pretty stuff.

Well Yesterday I thought it's enough and today I am snapping out of this mood. :)
But to catch up first, last week I have been studying for a test that I passed which I am so happy about still because I spend the last months thinking I will fail and not doing it. But I surprised myself!
This test blocked my mind in so many ways, I wasn't able to do anything literally. All I was doing was reading this book over and over and in my "free time" talking to myself and making me keep reading. It basically fucked me over really hard.

Yes, another thing that has occupied me was boys :) Usually it's a good topic but alright. Last year in november we went on a holiday visiting my aunty and there I met a guy. We turned out so be like minded and had some kind of a romantic affair. We didn't think we would stay in contact and this fling would be history soon but somehow we made it to be friends until I went back another time. Usually I'd stay with my aunty or at our summer house there but this time I was staying at his place and he introduced me to his mother and friends, even went on a date with me. In the end of this we talked and came to the conclusion that we are perfect for one another but the distance is too much of a problem for both of us as I had a really really long distance relationship beforehand which also was mentally abusive and he still has to start building up trust towards people as he's been cheated on twice. As do I.
Long story short- it's not our time (yet).
We still talking a lot, catching each other up on the others life and flirting, he invited me to officially stay with him when I am back in october.
The problem is this would be the perfect open relationship if I didn't have the desire to feel nothing, I mean completely nothing, towards any other guys. Like I don't care about anyone, I don't want to start something here. It should make me happy that I am "in love" I could call it but I know that there are still too many obstacles and this might never become something.
So I was really trying the last month to date, even kissed someone but now decided it's not worth it because I can't keep dating and kissing people and pretending its him.
I just really needed to get that of my shoulders.

I am really sorry for this ramble. It's a start and I promise I will post some more interesting posts very very soon and I am sorry for not writing in the last week (I jut tried to explain why I didn't)


You Might Also Like


Flickr Images